Why We Need Emotional Transparency at Home
“You need so much more than mental health or “well-being” in this era of discrimination, invisibility, and psychological warfare. You need an impermeable web of protection for your mind.” — Rheeda Walker
Though Mental Illness can affect everyone no matter race, ethnicity, class, or gender, we tend to ignore, downplay, or outright degrade those who suffer from it within the Black Community. Why is this? Black Americans have a history of our needs being casually catered to, which results in a generational pattern of dismissiveness. We must meet our attention to what goes on in our homes and with each other. There is no change without rearranging the structure we have built. That means no more sweeping it under the rug or having that ‘That’s just the way I am’ attitude a lot of us exude. If we stay idle in our ineffective teachings, there will not be any real progression.
We pass down trauma responses when our trauma is left unresolved. For example, one of your parents may have cried whenever something unpleasant happened when they were younger; their emotionally absent parent would tell them to “Suck it up!” be scolded, or even told that crying was a sign of weakness. After frequently experiencing this, they grew up to be highly passive-aggressive and emotionally distant. They then pass those same teachings on to their children. Now, you struggle with intimacy or expressing your true feelings. You may be a people pleaser to gain that emotional connection or, on the flip side, a complete jerk. You may have seen your parents lash out or close off while distressed, and now you do the same. When you have children, will they know how to appropriately respond to their feelings — anger, joy, and sadness, improve themselves as a person, or repeat the cycle your parent taught you?
Black men are emotionally disconnected, while we view black women as overemotional. The truth of the matter is, neither have been properly taught how to manage our feelings.
Being emotional is a part of human nature. To suppress or reject this aspect is both unhealthy and unnatural. Given the pressure we face globally, it is understandable why we believe we need to keep it together. It is apparent to display grief at the permanent reminder that we are not equal in this country. Black people are constantly in a state of fight and flight mode — However, the world wants us to remain emotionally in contempt as it leaves us overreactive and easily disturbed. As we start to practice emotional transparency at home this will result in lessons on how we respond to these emotions rather than reacting. Conversations of “I wish I would have responded in a way that…” or answers to the question of. “What would you do in this situation?” It brings the security of knowing that we can have these discussions.
Rather than repeating the lesson that viewing emotions or being emotional is weak, we need to dissipate the shame we feel when vulnerable. We need to emphasize that every emotion we feel is human nature, and it is inevitable that we all experience every. single. one. Let’s face the fact that we can relate to each other in more ways than we think. Only by expressing our shared trauma do we begin to create solutions and break patterns — there is no shame in being open.
Below are ways to practice emotional transparency at home with your loved ones and with yourself.
By responding to an experience alternatively from reacting, we can view what is happening from an unbiased perception — allowing room for appropriate interaction. No feelings of regret will creep up; no one will feel a lingering sense fixed into their memories. Those involved will make emotional progress.
